by Hillary Keating
Dear Twi-Hard haters,
It seems that us fan gurlz have been on the receiving end of media bashings of the Twilight franchise, and I am sick of it! We are not crazy tweens; we are dedicated followers of God’s gift to creation: the Twilight saga. Stephenie Meyer is a goddess of the pen, a writer who’s talent surpasses even William Shakes-whoever, and has given us two of the greatest gifts we could ever ask for: the dazzling, sexy, sparkly vampire Edward and hot, muscly werewolf Jacob.
So the fan girls have gotten into a little bit of trouble for lashing out at all the Twi-Hard haters–well what do you expect when you insult the greatest book ever written!?!?!? You haters have absolutely NO taste in great literature if you think Twilight is a terrible book! Girls are just jealous that they will never find a love like Edward and Bella share, and guys are just angry that Edward is WAY sexier than they could ever be! And okay, there was one incident at a meet ‘n greet with Robert Pattinson (Rpatz =]<3) at a San Francisco mall where one girl was trampled, but it’s really not that big a deal! Complaining about a broken nose–what a wimp! Just shut up you whiner baby! And duhhh we were going to run; Robert freakin’ Pattinson was in there! Of course we’re going to shove and run over any girl who gets in our way of our future husband. It’s only natural!
People also say that the movie franchise is stupid and that all its actors are sucky and unattractive. Do you people have eyes?!?!?!? Taylor Lautner is running around half-naked, showing off his perfectly, sculpted abs! And Robert Pattinson has the most beautiful, brooding eyes, fluffy hair, and an AMAZING British accent. How can you look at these two beauties and call them ugly? On top of being the most beautiful men in the entire universe, they are also the most talented actors even to grace the silver screen!!! Honestly, they have more talent in their pinky fingers than most people have in their entire body!! You haters will never achieve this level of perfection or beauty EVER in your long, lonely lives!
I hope that after reading my letter you haters can all see how ridiculous you are all being. I just know you will see the light once you pick up this wonderful book and start reading. When you have, my husband Edward and I will be waiting to hear from you. (Yes, I am actually married to Edward Cullen. He proposed to me last night after coming in through my window to watch me sleep. That’s right, envy me girls. Envy me.)
Angry Fan Girl Mrs. Edward Cullen =D