The Origin of the Swine

by Ali Christ

In the dark age of corruption, there once was a young pig named Guerillmo. Guerillmo grew up in a troubled neighborhood in Mexico where lots of herds came together and fought other herds. Guerillmo was a peacful pig, and didn’t want to be part of any of the herds.

One day, young Guerillmo came across a forbidden area. He was interested and proceeded on, disregarding the sign that read, “DO NOT ENTER” (because, as we all know, pigs can read…remember Wilbur?).   As he continued down the path, he saw a river of streaming brown liquid. He thought he had just entered Pig Heaven!

Little did he know that this liquid held freakish chemicals that would change the lives of many pigs forever…

Guerillmo suddenly felt extremely powerful. There was a tingling sensation deep inside of him, deep down in his pig gut, and he felt like he wanted to break free!  Unable to surpress this newfound energy, Guerillmo quickly found himself levitating! Surprised at his own power, he decided to test it out. He flew high up in the air and back to his barn.

On his way, he flew over many of the scary herd leaders. Guerillmo felt free and safe up in the sky where he could watch his enemies instead of running from them.

As he reached home, Mama and Papa Pig were not impressed. They saw this new talent as un-pig-like and very disturbing. They decided that they had to find a way to hide Guerillmo’s powers before something terrible happened to their son.  They knew how envious the other pig herds would be, and they didn’t want Guerillmo caught in the midst of an ugly turf war.

However, it was too late.  Other pig herds came to his home wondering how he was able to fly. Local residents had caught sight of Guerillmo, and felt threatened by his unusual abilities. Some whispered it was witchcraft or dark magic. Others suspected that Guerillmo’s antics were nothing other than an illusion, that he intended to usurp all of pigdom power.

Guerillmo tried to reason with his peer pigs but it was a lost cause. Soon, a cruel nickname circulated the barnyard: “Swine.” The President of the Pigs even decided that Guerillmo’s powers were intolerable. Guerillmo was quckly banished from his friends, family, and home.

Guerillmo decided to head out for a brighter future. He looked to America as a nation filled with mud and nice pigs that would accept him. After all, the California cows always looked so happy, so why not pigs?  And he also reasoned that everyone ate “chikin” anyway, so there was little for him to worry about.

Once the decision was made, he flew across beautiful land and rivers into the enchanted land of America. He was full of excitement and as he touched down in the great state of Minnesota, where the air was fresh and clean. He found a perfect ravine with the cleanest water he had ever seen and the largest mud puddles he could imagine. Yes, he thought, this is truly the place for me.

As he began settling, Guerillmo caught sight of what seemed a small cottage. He walked closer and closer until he saw some of his fellow pigs.  He flew down and greeted the pigs. He introduced himself to his  neighbors, but only received astonished and incredulous looks. However, after a momentary moment of awkwardness, he was embraced by the herd. They admired his courage and loved his story of life in Mexico among the herds. Oftentimes, at night, the others would ask him to tell the story of his life, and of his persecution.

One night while he was telling a story about his childhood, he saw the prettiest pig he had ever seen. He fell deeply in love with her at first sight. Her name was Palila and she grew very fond of him, too. She had previously frollicked with another pig, but decided that Guerillmo was much more exotic and exciting.  However, the other pig, Amos, was one of the largest pigs in the whole herd.  He did not like Guerillmo because he was jealous of his powers and angry that he had lost his girl. He was once the main leader who everyone looked up to, but now was lost in the shuffle. Amos became troubled with this fact and he wanted to do something about it.

One night, Amos decided to take off and go to Guerillmo’s old hometown in search for the source of . He traveled for weeks until he finally reached the old Mexican town. He questioned the pigs there about a chap named “Guerillmo.” They told him the story of Guerillmo’s strange and thoughtless behavior, as well as the restricted area. Amos listened intently to every detail.  For he, Amos, would get his revenge.  And now he had a plan.

Later that night, he went searching for the restricted area. After several hours of searching and rooting, he found it!  He inched closer and closer to the puddle with a wicked grin. He walked in and instantly felt a burning sensation against his piggy pink flesh. He sat there trying to absorb all of the magic. Each moment he lingered, the more powerful he felt.

Amos casually walked away from the restricted area. As night turned to day, Amos approached some of the gangs that Guerillmo had told them about. Amos introduced himself with confidence and told the gang about Guerillmo’s whereabouts. The gang became interested, and Amos decided to show his new crew about the restricted area. Each member of the crew slipped into the puddle and got their share of power. He instructed each member to obey his orders if they wished to be in his elite group. He titled their new gang, H1N1.

H1N1 flew into the morning to cause corruption. They flew into America with high hopes for spreading their power. As the gang grew closer to Minnesota, Guerillmo and Palila’s whereabouts were unknown. Amos was livid. He ordered a search for Guerillmo’s location in order to find Palila and kill Guerillmo. H1N1 separated into small groups and searched the entire country of America.

As the pigs searched, they noticed that the humans in the land began to act strangely.  Instead of embracing the pigs, they were soon fearful.  They began wearing masks.  They used hand santizer religiously.  They refused to eat pork or visit the petting zoo.  Amos and the herd did not understand it; wasn’t America the land of opportunity, of equality, the home of the beloved Porky Pig?

What the pigs did not realize is that their “dark magic” was polluting one of the human’s most valuable resources: air. They also began to grow in strength by gaining more and more members. Soon many humans were running through the streets, coughing that they had the “swine!”  However, after little success, the search party ended.  Amos and his herd returned to Mexico.  And the humans returned from their moment of hysteria with reinforcements.

However, there is still a mystery to this story.  The whereabouts’ of Guerillmo and Palila are still unknown. All we know for certain is that the herd, H1N1, has grown more and more powerful with thirst for revenge.

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