Quite Invasive: A Ten Minute Play


by Jillian Dinger

Cast of Characters:

Mother: Middle aged, well dressed woman
Richard: Messy, blonde 5-7 year old boy
Peter: Deep, male voice over


(Mother is center stage, visibly flustered and angry. Her hair is in a tight bun, and is wearing a grey sweater set and a black pen skirt. A piano is to her left, and broken glass is scattered on top of the piano and on the floor near it. A few roses are among the broken glass.)

Mother: (yelling) Richard!

(Richard runs in, one of his grey tennis sneakers untied. His striped shirt is wrinkled, his face smudged with the remnants of a chocolate bar.)

Richard: (out of breath) Yes Momma?

Mother:  Can you explain why my vase is broken? Your father bought me that from India. Do you understand how expensive that vase was?

Richard: (nonchalantly) Oh I’m sorry, Peter really liked the flowers.

Mother: Peter? Don’t be ridiculous. That vase was an anniversary present. Don’t you want Mommy to have nice things? Why did you break my vase?

Richard: (nervously) Well it was an accident.

(Mother raises her eyebrows, slightly squinting her eyes.)

Mother 😦 suspiciously) The vase was on top of the piano Richard. How could you have accidently knocked it over?

Richard:  I told you Momma, it wasn’t me. Peter wanted a flower.

Mother: Peter? Who is Peter? I didn’t say you could have a friend over. And why would you let him play around with Mommy’s expensive vase?

Richard: Peter’s my friend. He’s kinda bossy. Peter didn’t ask to come over. (pauses for a few moments, staring at his feet) He just showed up.

Mother: (outraged) what a rude little brat! Peter who? I want to talk to his mother.

Richard: Umm…

Mother: RIGHT NOW!

Richard: Peter doesn’t have a mother. I don’t think he does. (quickly) And he doesn’t have a last name either.

Mother: (annoyed, begins to smooth her sweater) Richard, do I look like I’m in the mood? If you knocked the vase over and are making this Peter character up you won’t have dinner for a week.

Richard: Peter knocked it over! I swear! I’ll call him over. (yelling) PETER! PETER! CMON OVER HERE MOMMA SAW THE VASE!

Mother: Peter’s still in the house? Seriously Richard this vase is coming out of your college fund. And I’ll never find one like it again. You really are a selfish nuisance.

Richard: Ok Mom… meet Peter!

(Richard pushes his hands toward Mother, as if he is holding something for her to grab.)

Mother: Peter?

Richard: Peter says he’s sorry.

Mother: Well Peter, you really should think before you go break people’s vases.

Richard: Peter’s just impulsive.

Mother: And awfully rude!

Richard: Ahhhhh!

(Richard drops his hands to the floor and starts weeping, rubbing his thumb convulsively.)

Mother: Richard are you alright?

Richard: P-p-p-eter bit me! He’s the worst friend ever!

Mother: Now, now I’m sure he didn’t mean it.

Richard: (still crying) No, you don’t know him like I do. Peter is a bad friend.

Mother: How so?

Richard: You know when the dishwasher was filled with carrots? And we couldn’t wash the dishes for months?

Mother: (looks up at the  ceiling, then nods) Oh yes, that was terrible. Thank goodness those carrots disappeared.

Richard: Yeah, well it was all Peter’s fault. He was storing his carrots in there.

Mother: Well that’s not a very good place for carrots. They could of gotten all moldy. Then poor Peter would have an awful stomach ache.

Richard: Peter doesn’t mind mold.

Mother: Where is Peter anyway?

Richard: He’s right there Momma. Don’t you hear him laughing at us?

Mother: He must have a soft voice.

Richard: All rabbits do. People think they don’t talk but they just aren’t listening.

Mother: I can understand why he broke my vase then. Poor Peter just wants to be noticed.

Richard: Um… I guess. Sure.

Mother: (kneeing down, speaking to thin air): Peter, I am awfully sorry you’ve felt neglected. It must be hard to be one of your kind. But that was my most favorite vase. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’d like an apology.

Mother stays kneeing, several moments pass.

Peter? You’ll have to speak up.

Mother stands up, enraged.

Richard! Tell your nasty friend to leave. I’ve had enough of his perpetual rudeness.

Richard: You better leave Peter.

(Peter points to his left, ushering the air to leave.)

Peter: Alright. I’m gone. What an ugly vase…looks much better broken.

End Scene

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