Dear Thanksgiving Feast,
I applaud you for your oh-so-deliciousness. However, I will say shame on you for the feeding frenzy that you create.
Let’s say we can overlook the line that pours out of the cafeteria doors, seniors eyeballing freshmen and freshmen shaking in the knees. Maybe even the 2-3 trays loaded with food that each person takes with them to their seat. Or the awkward silence that ensues during feeding time at the zoo. The true depravity is after everyone enjoys the turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuit, and pie, all topped off with a healthy slathering of gravy; they sit, sick and comatose.
All it takes is the news of the Thanksgiving Feast contest where a person attempts to eat as much as humanly possible. However, the contest itself reduces us to the likes of other barnyard animals, sticking our snouts in the trough. Thanks for that, Thanksgiving Feast. Well done.
On top of that, you cause endless migraines for the lunch ladies and teachers who drew the short straw and have lunch duty. The thing about you is that people don’t just freak out…they obsess and it becomes World War III. You are the reason why students can’t make it through their afternoon classes without an emergent trip to the bathroom.
Seniors have enjoyed “the feast” four long years of their lives. Freshmen, however, have heard about the events but have never witnessed them first hand…until now. “I can’t wait to get Thanksgiving feast today my mom gave me ten dollars and I’m so excited.” Interesting, very interesting. A clear case of “monkey see, monkey do.”
“Well you’re going to have to wait, fresh meat,” growls the mountain of a senior while pushing the Freshmen out of the way to gorge their faces with nine yards of Thanksgiving. Speaking of which…maybe I’d better hurry or they won’t have enough pieces of pumpkin pie…out of my way!